I’m waaaayyyy too into myself. It’s humiliating really. Not something I want to admit in my head let alone say out loud. I felt like God wanted me to start a blog for months now and I’ve been dragging my feet. Why? Because I worry entirely too much about what people think. What if someone thinks it’s stupid? What if the haters out there hate on me? What if no one reads it? Who are you anyway, to think you could write something other people might want to read?
Arghh. You get the general idea. So I put it off and avoided God and pretty much waited until I felt like the Grand Canyon stood between me and Him. Have you ever done that? OK, Maybe not. Maybe you are more clued in than I am!
In order to get out of that mess, I had to come to grips with a few things:
1) I did not trust God. Ouch.
2) Hiding as a strategy sort of works, but cuts you off from God and so is quite unsatisfactory in the long run.
3) I was terrified of failure. The big question here was: why is failure so terrifying to me? What lack is there in my spiritual make up that I can’t fail? God showed me that my fear of failure proved that my perspective about the source of my worth was all messed up. I believed that people’s approval of me affected my worth. But the truth is, God is the only one who establishes my value and I need to look to Him. He says I am beautiful and blameless by His grace; loved unconditionally.
When I worry about what other people think I am saying that somehow what they think matters more than what God thinks about me. It’s like I’ve forgotten that in the end, when I stand before the throne and the truth is revealed, God is the only one who will have any say in evaluating me and my life. No one else will be standing there throwing their two cents in. Only His opinion matters. Oh dear. I had to repent of that one. Actually, this is something that I have repented of many times; something I am working on right now (more marinating!) I’m a “pleaser” by nature so this has been a big issue. Starting this blog, whether anyone ever read it or not, was an act of obedience that felt like a cliff jumping experience. What do you know; I lived to tell the tale!
Anyone else have a cliff jumping experience to share?
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.