Saturday, October 1, 2011

An Audience of One

I have a thorn in my flesh. I’m not sure what Paul’s was, but mine is Nick’s 1992 Ford truck. This vehicle is definitely the worse for wear. Nick has hit it with a backhoe two or three times! It’s dented and scraped and a big strip across the back tailgate is just plain missing.  Not only is it completely ugly, but it’s also hard to drive. I’ve been stranded by that truck more than once. Nick does not share my opinion. He thinks his truck is great. He doesn’t care what it looks like and it always seems to run fine for him. He’s just delighted that it’s so cheap to insure and it’s paid for.

I never used to drive the truck except for dire circumstances. However, I now have a 16 year old driving who can’t drive a stick shift car (and I’m not sure I want her driving this vehicle anyway!) Sadly, this means that I have had to drive the dreaded truck more frequently. We are shopping for a new car, but aren’t likely to buy anything for at least a couple of months.  Until that time, it’s me and the old Ford.

Remember when I said earlier this week that I find myself looking to stupid things to be my source of life? Well I was thinking about the truck. I hate driving it. More importantly (and worse) I hate how I look driving it. Yesterday I was heading towards the school parking lot and one of my students and his mother were walking out to their rather nice car. They greeted me and then turned and watched me walk to my vehicle.  Was it real or did I imagine their horrified faces? Did they really look at me like “Oh dear, it looks like that poor teacher needs government assistance!?”

I need to live for an audience of one. It pains me greatly that I even care. Nick doesn’t care. He doesn’t look around concerned that people are judging him based on his driving a jalopy.  I do, and it’s proof that I don’t understand the Kingdom. I don’t live the truth: God is my only real audience. He is my only judge. Everyone else’s opinion is irrelevant in the face of his.  God help me.

How do you live for an audience of one?

Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.


Bob Mitchell said...

Tammy, I so enjoy this blog! Thanks for the honest, gut-level "nobody wants to talk about this stuff" stuff that we need to be talking about. I got a kick out of this particular entry and I think about the pickup I drive, the manufactured home I live in, and I have to laugh. God loves us all in the midst of beat-up pickups and crazy home renovations!

Tammy said...

Hey thanks for the encouragement, Bob! I do want to get beyond the surface and go for honest. I just wish it weren't the truth! However, God was encouraging me today that He loves me in the midst of my imperfections...and your words are confirmation of that truth. :)

Tammy said...

I forgot to say this, but thanks for the comment, Bob! I know people are reading the blog because blog-spot keeps track of hits, but actually hearing from a person was a blessing. Sending this out into unknown cyberspace is unnerving sometimes! So thanks for taking the time to be encouraging.