Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Truck Drama: The Sequel

The day after I finished writing my last post we had a car accident. Nick and I were transporting our boat and it came off the hitch and crashed into the back of our SUV.  So now our once nice car is all patched up with garbage bags and duct tape across the back windshield.  It will go into the shop this week…..giving us all more quality time with…..the truck.  J

I was talking to the Lord about the situation and I just wanted to make one thing clear to Him. I know I said I was in pursuit of not worrying about what other people think, but I really hope that didn’t mean I was going to have to go through all sorts of uncomfortable and painful circumstances!  Can you get a “do over” with prayers? Can I amend my request to say, “Lord, I really want to grow but can you do it without having to make it hurt very much?” I mean, I can take a little pain, but I’m becoming worried about how painful this might get.  I’m not ready for a true Job experience.  

I called my dad to wish him Happy Birthday the day after the accident. In the course of the conversation he told me that he and mom had gotten inheritance money from a relative. They had decided to share it with us kids and would be sending me a check. It’s enough for me to walk out and buy a new truck tomorrow if I want to.  So back to the Lord I went.  “What, Lord? Are any of these circumstances from you? Are you trying to say something to me here? Or is this just a string of coincidences?”

I had been living in anxiety because I just couldn’t seem to get free of my preoccupation with what others think. I figured God must be unhappy with how long it was taking me and how poorly I seemed to be doing.  Maybe He would send me a bunch of bad circumstances to teach me a lesson! Then along came some better circumstances. Did that mean anything?  

Finally it hit me (or maybe God revealed it to me). I needed to quit thinking about the circumstances and focus on the issue.  The real problem is that I’m trying to perfect myself again, trying to fix what’s wrong with me and make myself acceptable to God.  I’m worried that if I don’t He won’t like me.  I’ve got to quit trying so hard to make myself acceptable and accept His grace. The blood of Christ isn’t just about salvation, it covers all my sins….even worrying about how I look driving a beat up truck. 

I have to face it (again). I need God. I will never outgrow my need for God. I need His forgiveness and His grace. I need His help. I must trust that He loves me and He will help me. God knows I can’t do it on my own.  He knows I need Him. He wants me to need Him.  And He will always love me, even in the midst of my struggles.

Coming to this place of neediness drew me to God in gratefulness and love.

Psalm 138:8
The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;
         your mercy, O LORD, endures forever;
         do not forsake the works of Your hands.

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