Sunday, December 4, 2011

It Is Well With My Soul 4 - A Very Present Help in Trouble

The last post ended with me hanging on to my pillar for dear life--and trying to maintain the right attitude.  As I said before, I bounced around on that one.  I’d be at peace for days and then all of a sudden I would crumble. I’d cry and whine to the Lord and wish for things to be different.  Here’s the crazy, wonderful thing about God: I didn't blow Him away or freak Him out. He loves me. Period. He’s “an ever present help in trouble” just like the psalmist says He is.   He never got mad or told me to get over it. He didn't tell me how much better I had it than so many other people. He didn't ask me to “look on the bright side”.   Whenever I turned to him I felt waves of love and compassion. I felt like He was in the midst of it all, walking with me on the good days and the bad. It was remarkable. I’d go to Him at the end of my rope. Somehow in the exchange of my admitting my need and crying out to Him, He would meet me. He would fill my soul and I would be able to go on again.  I’d never experienced anything like it.  

This went on for a while.  I was able to switch from the wheelchair to crutches at the end of September, but after that there was little improvement. Finally, in January when I hadn’t really gotten any better I started seeing some other doctors. I had two to three doctor appointments a week, usually at least one of them out of town.  No one knew what the problem was.  My symptoms didn't really look like an autoimmune, so they weren’t convinced that was the problem. May came and there was no real change.  By this time it had been almost a year.  

When it all started I never imagined it would be year later and I wouldn’t be walking.  Not only did I need crutches, but I couldn’t walk that far on them either.   Shopping was out of the question.  One day I remember driving to the mall during my daughter’s soccer practice.  I had a Starbuck’s card and I wanted a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a handicap parking spot or any spot close enough for me to walk into the store. I drove around for ten minutes and finally gave up. I know it’s a small thing, but it made me feel helpless. It drove me to Jesus again, and in Him I found everything I needed to keep going….once more I would find that place where it is well with my soul. 

"It is Well With My Soul"
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


Michelle said...

I loved reading this. Your faith is so inspiring to me! I love that God isn't freaked out when we crumble because He knows us inside and out. It is such a comfort to me knowing that.

Thank you for sharing! I needed this today!

Tammy said...

Thanks, Michelle! Your encouragement encouraged me. I promised the Lord I'd post regularly, but tonight I was tired and wasn't going to do it. Then I read your comment and it gave me the strength I needed. :)