It’s not fun being sick on your anniversary. And I was. Last night was our 21st anniversary and I barely made it through dinner. I have this weird thing going on where my hormones go crazy at certain times of the month and I get flu symptoms. I get a terrible headache, ache all over, and throw up. It lasts for about 36 hours. Not fun. Doctors are working on it, but no solutions yet. They tell me I’m a “special case”. Don’t we all love being “special”? Not this time! This was the sixth episode in the last six months. I was not happy. I lay there sick and hurting and wanting life to be different. I’ve been in this position quite a bit in the last few years with my different health challenges, and that just makes it harder to face.
Praying for healing is such a challenging thing. I used to pray for the sick regularly as part of my church service. I’ve seen some miraculous and instant healing. But then I’ve also had to face all the times that I wanted to be healed myself and prayed for myself and had other people pray for me and nothing happened that I could see. God says to ask in faith, not doubting. But how can we ask in faith when it hasn’t worked so many times? That’s hard.
Last night I lay in bed and Nick rubbed my feet (poor man, not a great anniversary for him!) and the whole conundrum of healing was brought to the forefront again. I wanted to be healed. Desperately. I did not want to spend the next 36 hours throwing up and feeling awful. I had plans for Friday! For some reason I can’t explain, I was actually feeling hopeful. I prayed. I asked Nick to pray for me, too. He admitted that it was hard to pray for me with faith when I’ve been sick so much. But we both prayed anyway. And I got better. I relaxed, fell asleep and woke up feeling good enough to go to coffee with my friend Jamie. I didn’t even throw up.
I still don’t get it. I don’t think God likes me better today than He did the last time I was sick. We didn’t have more faith. I was more hopeful, but I have no idea if that made any difference. I’m just so grateful that I felt good all day and was able to tackle the “clean out the basement” project that I had scheduled for the family!
God is mysterious and impossible to completely comprehend. I don’t understand Him but I love Him. I’m not going to give up trying to draw closer to Him and have faith for more of His power in my life. I didn't occur to me until now, but maybe my being willing to risk praying for healing and hoping for healing is part of that risking that the Lord was talking to me about last week. Hoping for my healing is definitely a risk I gave up on a while ago. In this case, risking wasn’t scary….it was awesome!
Let’s hear it for risk!
Psalm 34:6 (NKJV)
This poor man cried out, and the LORD heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.