Thursday, December 15, 2011

To Obey or Not Obey, That Is the Question

Reasons I told God I could never start a blog:
1)      I don’t have time
2)      I’ve never read a blog (that I can remember)
3)      I don’t know how
4)      I don’t have anything to say
5)      Who would ever read it?

I came into the blogging world kicking and screaming.  One day last February, seemingly out of the blue I felt like God told me He wanted me to start a blog. I spent the next several weeks talking myself out of it. “This is not God.  Why would he want me to start a blog? No one will read it and that will be incredibly embarrassing.”   

After weeks of fighting the idea, I reluctantly started doing some research. I began with a plain Google search, “Christian blogs.”  That was unnerving. I couldn’t find a single blog that looked like what I thought God wanted me to do.  I felt like God wanted me to take my spiritual life and put it on the Internet. Be real. Talk about the struggles. Share the stories. Put your guts out there. This terrified me. I have to say, it’s not the way I usually roll.  I’m pretty private actually, though you’d never know it if you read this blog!

The struggle went on for months.  I was sure no one would read it, afraid that I was making the whole thing up and it had nothing to do with God.  No matter what I told myself, when the summer hit I started feeling guilty and disobedient. I couldn’t shake the feeling that God wanted me to do this—though I had no idea why.  Finally I couldn't take the pressure. I promised God I’d launch it by July 31st. I started working on a blog. I even wrote a bunch of practice entries. July 31st came and went and I just plain chickened out.

Now the guilt was choking me. I don’t know why this was such a cliff jumping experience. I was expecting public humiliation and failure and I couldn’t figure out why I had to go through all this.

I launched solely out of obedience on August 10th.  And I lived to tell the tale! This weekend my blog stats indicated that I’d gotten over 100 hits in the last 30 days. I was shocked when I saw that. It makes me smile just thinking about it because God was so right. He told me that people would read it and they would be blessed. I didn't believe it. I couldn't see it. But He could. And He was right. He is entirely worth trusting. 

(And by the I really enjoy writing this blog. It's been very meaningful for me to be reminded of all God has done. I love telling the stories of how much He means to me.)

Psalm 25: 1-3a (NKJV)
In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.
 2 I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,
   nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame,  

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