I’m still basking in the glow of my trip to the Healing Rooms that I talked about in my last post. Every time I think about my time with the Lord I tear up again. When I tried to talk about it with my small group this week I actually broke down and cried. I’m not even sure why, maybe because it was such a precious experience.
I can’t get over how well God knows me. You’d think that what I really needed was to be filled with a sense of His love for me (and that would be cool J). But it’s easier for me to believe that God loves me than it is to believe that I love Him. You see, I really WANT to love Him and I think that I do...but am afraid that I don’t. The longing of my heart is to be close to the Lord and love Him deeply. So when God made me aware of the love that I have in my heart for Him, it was such a….relief. It makes me so happy. I laughed out loud just now as I wrote that! It’s like my heart says, “I DO love you, Lord. I DO. I really do. Halleluiah.” My tears may actually be tears of joy and relief. It’s like the truth of my heart was verified by Him as He said, “Yes, you love me. Let me communicate this love I feel from you.” That might be it. As if it was an exchange of love. I do believe God wants our relationship with Him to be an exchange of love. I pray that we all continue to move towards this-- the greatest relationship of our lives.
Since it kind of fits here, this is my Christmas poem to the Lord:
Oh Lord, I look to you.
You are my hope and my strength.
You make my day worth living.
I love and adore you more than any other.
I want to live each day closer to you than the day before.
You deserve all honor, all praise.
There is none as lovely as you.
What makes you beautiful is your heart--
The way you love.
You love me when I am unlovable and that is incredible to me.
You make me feel like I can go on no matter what happens.
You value me and like me….and I am amazed by that.
You are my very best friend.
My desire is to love you more and more the longer I live.