I missed God this week. I was lonely for Him in the midst of a very busy life. School started back up after Christmas break and things got busy in a hurry. I’ve been putting in 10 hour days at work and then coming home to be with the family. Nick’s in the middle of a 7-day fast and I’ve been dealing with dinner by myself so he wouldn’t have to be around food. Usually he and I do that together. Now it’s Thursday night and I feel sort of like a dishrag that’s been wrung out. It’s times like this that I realize how hard it is for mothers to maintain an active spiritual life (It’s probably just as hard for fathers…but I’ve never been one so I can’t speak to that!) Anyway, I was talking with the Lord about that this evening, about how much I missed all the time we spent together during the break and how I’m so tired it’s not like I can enjoy a relaxed and meaningful moment with Him now. At this point I’m just trying to be faithful.
It was as I sat here trying to be faithful, trying to connect with the Lord, wanting to get past my own fatigue and past blind obedience, that I determined in my heart that I was not going to give up. Even if sometimes it feels impossible to actually be a spiritual mom, I’m going to keep trying.
It was good to talk to Him tonight. It was good to rest in His presence and share my woes. It was good to tell Him I love Him. It helped me feel close to Him….even though I was tired and barely hanging on and it wasn’t exactly a precious moment.
I realized something important today-- if we’re going to be close to the Lord this year we’re going to have to fight for it.
James 4:8a (NLT)
Come close to God, and God will come close to you.