Even though I haven’t written in what seems like a very long time, I have continued to think about the last post I wrote. Specifically, I’ve pondered what God spoke to me. It blows my mind. You see, I was on my last leg. I was ready to quit. I’d had it. And because of that I was feeling like a failure and a loser. Weak. Unable to be strong. Clearly not enough. God could have said so many things to me. We can become wrongly convinced of the things we think He’s going to say. He might tell me to repent of my lousy attitude, to quit being a whiner and a wimp. He could tell me to get up off the floor because, after all, I wasn’t exactly carrying a wooden cross and did I have any idea of how hard some people have it in this world?
He didn’t say anything at all like that to me. What did He do instead? He told me I was tough. He told me I was determined and that He was proud of me. He reminded me of who I was. He reminded me of all those years when I’d worked so hard to become strong….and He said, “That’s who you are.” He put his finger right on the core of who I am and helped me to be that girl. I can’t tell you how encouraging that was to me, how it lifted my spirits and helped me stand tall. He didn’t even mention my quitting, didn’t even talk about it.
My God IS love, joy peace, gentleness….all of the fruits of the spirit. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that He ministers to me out of that love and gentleness, out of the positive nature of goodness and joy. He is so amazing. We have no idea how awesome he is. We continually assign to Him human attributes that are less than who He is. We expect Him to judge, to be harsh, to condemn, and to shame. But that is not who He is at all. Dear Lord, help me to grasp the wonderfulness of who you are. I know it’s beyond my comprehension, but I would like to continue to know you better and understand you more. You are precious and beautiful.