Friday, July 13, 2012

The Lies We Believe

When did I get to be old enough to have a senior in high school? I swear I've been ambushed! I've actually been somewhat stressed over that reality. She’s in the midst of career and college decision making and the enormity of the decisions she’ll be making in the next few years just hit me like a ton of bricks this summer. With the economy the way it is, it seems that making a good decision is more important than ever. She needs a career where there are jobs available, and she needs to make a choice where she doesn't come out with a lot of debt. Finding godly friends is another important ingredient of a successful transition to college and deciding which school might lend itself to being the best place for all of these things has me sweating.

She’s been sold on medicine, but nationalized health care is wreaking havoc in the medical scene. It won’t be possible to come out of medical school with $300,000 of debt if there are ceiling caps for doctor salaries. 

She’s been praying about her decisions and trying to hear whether God wants her to pursue something medical. Recently she told me that, at least for right now, she believes she’s supposed to go for medicine.  She said, “I always thought I’d live in the nice house and go on mission trips in the summer. But I’m not so sure anymore. I think it may be an all the time thing.”

On one hand, I was thrilled. My daughter wants to lay her life down for the needy. Isn’t that what I’ve prayed for since she was born, that she would serve God all her days? On the other hand, how on earth is this going to happen? She’d have to come out without a lot of debt in order to follow that path! I don’t want her to be disappointed if this doesn’t all work out either. My instinct to protect her is on high alert.

As I listened to her I was absolutely cut to the heart. She was a LOT more matter of fact about it than I was. She figures if God wants her to do this, He will make a way.  I’m the one whose faith is questionable.  ME. The example. The mother. The one who has been trying to show her the path to Christ her whole life. I was caught in my desperation to control all of these circumstances. Somehow I thought I could. I was convinced I should. I must. Protect her. Make sure she’s on the right, happy path. What a lie I have believed. I cannot control this. Oh mothers of young children! Appreciate the time when you can control the day to day workings of your small ones. That day will evaporate. And when it does, I hope that you can cling to the truth that God is in control of their lives and He will lead and guide them in the way. I have to keep opening my hands and surrendering them to God….and trust that He will take care of them, because the real truth is, I cannot. He is the only one who can.

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