I think humans’ attitude towards God is all wrong. There’s this huge belief out there that if there is a God He wouldn’t allow all the bad things in the world. That somehow the purpose of a God is to eliminate pain and suffering. That having a good and happy life is the purpose of life. But that isn’t what I think it is at all. I have one job on this planet and that is to get close to God. He doesn’t guarantee that it will be easy or pleasant. He doesn’t guarantee that things will go well for me or that I will be happy. He knows the hairs on my head, and cares deeply, but He isn’t about making things sunshine and roses. My job is to draw near to Him in love and to walk in obedience and grace. No promises of glittering rainbows. But that also means there is nothing that can stop me from doing everything God has called me to. No matter if I’m sick or well, making the world change through spiritual ministry or just trying to keep my laundry caught up and papers graded.
There’s such a desire in my soul for greatness….both godly and ungodly. I know it’s not a bad desire to change the world, but struggling physically isn’t keeping me from anything the Lord wants me to do. If he wanted me to be out there making it happen, I would be. So the joy of that is the fact that nothing stands between me and God’s purposes in my life. I am knowing some victory as I am continually being challenged to realize how irrelevant all the things I’ve wanted to do are. By that I mean…..it isn’t part of my plan until God puts it in. Until then, it’s actually contrary to what God wants for me and my pursuit of it means that I’m pursuing something other than God. It means I want it for myself, how I see myself, wanting to be someone I’m proud of or much more important…whom God is proud of. To justify my existence on the planet. There’s no God in that thinking. Those aren’t his thoughts or purposes. And I need to jettison them all. They need to fall away and not be part of my life space. I’m actually making some progress in this area, but it is something I continue to wage war with…..fortunately with more success than I ever used to have. When I read that verse below about needing to lose my life…..I’ve always thought that Mother Theresa lost her life. That Erin wanting to go to China is losing her life. But losing my life is exactly what God’s been working hard with me on for the last two or three years. It isn’t my life. I have given it to Him and now it’s His.
He that finds his life shall lose it: and he that loses his life for my sake shall find it.
Note: I wrote this in a letter to my daughter Danielle and then read it out loud at my small group the following week when we were talking about what God was doing in our lives. A couple of people wanted a copy, so here it is.....this is for you Amy and Rachel!!